The threatening woman complex, and the dark spell of perfection.
The wild woman sisterhood is our portal to heal the deepest of our womanly wounds. We mirror our wounds to one another which can either be great medicine, or painful salt to our wounds but either way — we rise together, and it’s up to us, and only us to choose whether we want to reclaim our feminine power together, or on our own.
If we could find the courage to face the triggers we set off in one another, we could find much solace in one another facing the great wounds that haunt our own insecurities and longings which would free us to express ourselves in our true womanly nature.
The potion of womanly perfection will surely suck your soul dry, but it will make you desirable in a world where this game is thriving.
This game is not only the worst enemy of the wild woman sisterhood, it’s our own feminine power’s worst enemy.
This game of womanly perfection is the illusion of the “desirable woman.” It’s the game that tells us we aren’t pretty enough, skinny enough, or curvy enough. It’s the game of womanly perfection that says we can’t look like we are trying too hard. We don’t want to wear too much makeup or be too overdressed, we need to look natural and casual but not too natural or casual.
We need to be perfectly physically fit in a divine womanly way but not annoyingly obsessive or restrictive about our diet or exercise. We must be confident but not vain. We need to be funny, laid back, self-sufficient but not too sovereign or men will be threatened by us.
We need to be able to have babies, get our “bodies back” quickly, and manage a full-time successful career. It’s the game of womanly perfection that says we have to be sexually free and empowered but not a slut or prude. We have to be sexy but deny our hearts and messy vulnerabilities while doing so.
We have to be nurturing but we ourselves can’t need too much nurturing or be overly emotional or codependent. This game of womanly perfection tells us to hold our hearts back so we aren’t too much and to put all our energy into making everybody else comfortable.
Love and survival have been directly linked to fitting this “desirable role” of womanly perfection, and this is what creates the threat. When one woman outplays another, not only is it threatening — the reality of the game hurts.
Seeing men take the bate, and seeing society not only accept it but egg it on, is painful. It affirms the validity of the game — even if the rewards are bogged down with illusions we don’t really want.
So many women know they aren’t happy but they don’t see another way so they keep playing.
Even if repressing their heart leaves them lonely and hating their body disassociates them from pleasure. Even if they are sexually dissatisfied or have no energy, let alone creative energy and their intuition is screaming at them that it’s all wrong, they still choose the game because for some reason it feels safer than any other option. This is why women play the game.
They play the game because they don’t have any role models of what it means to be free in their womanly truth. They see no proof that it won’t leave them completely alone. They don’t know that anyone else is having the same experience or that they could share their truth without being ridiculed with shame. This is why we need each other.
We need to show one another the healing that comes from sisterhood. We can be the wild woman, we can be free, and we can be loved and embraced for doing so. We are just more likely than not, to have to be the brave one who takes the leap showing other women it’s safe to follow.
If you’re brave, you’ll attract the brave. We have to summon one another out of hiding, and this is the wild woman sisterhood.
The toxic complexity of this whole sick dynamic has been engrained in women, and it’s triggering because it’s so close to home. It feels threatening and deceitful because deep down, we know it’s far against our best interest, and we know the more women who play, the more we have to fight it.
It’s painful to see the women who call wolf with rape. It’s painful to watch the women who abuse their sexual power to get what they want. It’s painful to watch the women who know a man has been cut off from the nurturance of the feminine and use it against him, and it’s painful to watch a woman play this role “perfectly.”
Witnessing the women who play this game so calculated is what is heart-wrenching. It’s not genuinely empowering them, and it’s perpetuating the cycle to continue. It’s also working against the progress and courage of all those who are not playing, and that is part of why it’s so triggering.
Empathizing with the pain that has led women to play, is equally as painful as the damage being done directly from it — we have to remember this. It’s not an excuse to enable it and it does not make it acceptable for another woman to invoke chaos into your life, but we have to remember why women act out this game if we are ever going to rise above it.
Judging one another, and hating one another does not fix this issue, and resentment won’t make it stop. Distrust keeps us separated, not to say we shouldn’t have boundaries, but the more women who participate in the game, and don’t face their triggers, the deeper it all becomes ingrained. We have to rise together. Show other women, that women can be trusted. We have to show other women, that we don’t have to play.
We as women have been set up against each other, we’ve been misled to believe we are a threat to one another, but we are only a threat when we are playing the game we’ve been misled to believe is our only hope at personal power.
We need each other. This doesn’t mean you have to tolerate the projections of other women’s pain or compromise your own boundaries or limits for other people's toxicity. The sad truth is that the women that are deepest in this game are usually the ones that we have to be most careful with for our sake, but, we also can’t fuel their pain with our judgment, triggers, or holy rage if we ever want it to stop.
This means that we have the choice to carry compassion and understanding, as we hold stern boundaries around this energy. We cannot play back, we don’t want to enable the toxicity, and we don’t want to egg it on energetically with our triggers either. This means we have to be committed to doing the self-work to clear our own pain.
We are sensitive beings. We are raised on feeling the energy around us to embody what the room wants or to manipulate it to get what we want. When we are triggered, angry, resentful, and pain is stirred up — other women will feel this. Other women also feel when you are manipulating to play the game. This all triggers the complexity to multiply as a defense mechanism and it’s a vicious cycle.
Tend your wounds, and be a solid reflection for one other. Have high standards for one another, don’t enable, and hold your boundaries with compassion, and love. Others will feel this as encouragement that there is a possibility to trust whether they realize it consciously or not. Energy speaks. Actions speak. Whether it’s beyond those around us to grasp it or not. This healed state does ripple through the cosmos in some form or another and we have to trust that it will travel just as it should.
The more we can understand the dynamic of the game, the less power it has over all of us. Nobody wants this game to thrive. Men, women, none of us. It doesn’t create more love for anybody.
It’s time for us to reclaim the power of the wild woman sisterhood. It’s time for us to reclaim each other. This game of womanly perfection is a deep-seated wound that haunts us all in varying degrees, and there is so much healing that comes from being there for one another.
There is so much healing that can happen when we witness one another without judgment when we forgive one another without resentment, and when we own our mistakes humbly and expose ourselves vulnerably. This doesn’t mean we have to be friends with every woman and trust them all with our deepest secrets, and most tender truths. Healing this collective wound is far from linear, but what it does mean is that we have to find respect for all of our sisters and women knowing they each have their own story that has shaped them and their lives in a way we can’t ever fully understand.
The self-preservation of all of us depends on weaving the hearts of sisterhood back together, and it’s going to take all of us to do it. This journey will look different for each of us, but I believe in you to be one of the brave ones to start paving the way otherwise you wouldn’t have found your way here.
Believe in yourself, believe in each other, and do it for the sake of all of us.
Lots of love sweet one,
Abby
