The Sacredness of our Desire.
Our desires are fluid and shapeshifting, but at the heart are all the same. Our desires are to fill a feeling of harmony, alignment, aliveness, joy, and pleasure -- all pursued and invoked differently for each of us.
The thought of what we desire may seem simple enough, but our deepest desires are often frightening. Not because they are outlandish, but because their truth is vulnerable and tender, or because following them would leave a quake of change behind us, or harsh truths in front of us.
Some of our desires get tucked away far enough that we don’t even know they are there. Some of them we have to constantly hush, and push to the side, or shut off our anger and grief that they haven’t come to be, or because we have decided we won't allow them — for better or worse.
Some of our desires we devour but never find ourselves satiated. We all have desires, that have a deeper desire beneath them.
Some of our desires have been snuffed out and left unreachable. Some of our desires are ‘authentic’, and some of our desires have been programmed, shaped, and prodded — some overtly and some subliminally.
We all have desires that have been invoked by our friends and family, the media, or our cultural or religious upbringing. We all have desires that have been fed to us through the messages of what it is to be a woman. We all have desires that have been fed to us through messages of what makes us beautiful, happy, worthy, successful, powerful, and sexy.
Drop deep into your belly, and your being, resting in your heart and womb, and find that place of longing. That place of yearning deep within. What do you grieve not having, not being, or not having accomplished? What parts of you feel unseen, unreachable, or not sovereign or empowered? What parts of you feel ugly, or weak? What parts of you feel unsatiated? What parts of you feel severed, or flat?
When you rest in a holy pause and feel into your longings, are they out of scarcity, fear, grief, or anger of what isn’t? Are they rooted in you not believing you are good enough, or that you want more for your life? Or are they rooted in the fact that you simply desire a pleasureful and joyful life? When you feel into your desire— how is it tied to what you believe you need to be fulfilled, and how much do your desires feel simply about soaking life up for all it’s worth in this one precious life?
How are your desires at war between needs and wants, logistics and dreams — knowing that there are monotomous or less exciting things that create the possibility for more lavish, extravagant things?
Do you desire yourself to be different? Your loved ones to be different? Or your life to be different? Do you desire things that are in your control, or things that are far from it? Are your desires tied to the future or the present? Right here, and right now?
Do you see your beauty, or do you think you are vacant of it? Do you live in your body in confidence, embrace, and love? Or do you live longing for confidence, embrace, and love — not sure how to find union with it within?
Do you long for money, security, a successful career, a home, a family, a best friend, a community, or a soul mate? Do you long for healing or vibrant health? Do you long to be relieved of your story, your pains, and your burdens? Do you long to stop fighting the same patterns that haunt you again, and again, and again? Whether self-sabotaging habits, mental or physical cycles, or life occurrences that seem to follow you.
Do you desire the sensuous pleasure of your five senses or have you disassociated from presence in your physical body, living on this physical earth? Do you desire to see beauty, not because there is a lack of it, but because you are fulfilled by soaking it up all around you?
Do you desire the sound music, and to listen to a vast array of harmonies, the sound of the wind, the water, fire crackling, or the voice of a beloved because it reminds you of the beauty and graciousness surrounding you?
Do you desire sweet, salty, savory, mouth-watering tastes that immerse you in the gifts bared by the earth? Or smells of the wild — the rain, roses, fresh cut grass, or sap burning in the fire.
Do you desire to engage with your physical body, experiencing the endless sensations our bodies can produce?
There is an ebb and flow that is a natural fluctuation in our humanness. There is time to rest in the shadows, surrender to the darkness, and feel all of it — whatever “it” is. There is also a time to go toward the light and rise in ascension above all else. There is a time to turn our back on lack and say no, I will not grieve and allow self-pity right now. And there is a time to live only in gratitude and praise the cup half full despite life’s shortcomings.
When we yearn and long out of pain, lack, or tenderness it is divinely valid—and, our desire for pleasure and joy without angsty charge is a different kind of desire that comes on the other side of this tenderness when allowed without being swallowed by it. Sometimes we need to grieve and curl up in the dark mess to get there, and sometimes it’s pursuing joy and pleasure despite the mess, that cleanses us of our grief, and our illusions of lack within and around ourselves.
When looking at desire—focus on the feeling. Imagine a desire fulfilled, and know that feeling is really what you desire. Let go of the logistics and let the mystery unfold as it will. Sometimes we don’t know what we want, and that unknowing can swallow us whole, but if we focus on how we want to feel, we offer the universe grace, and space to show us. We can let the feeling be our guiding light. We can let that feeling be a part of discerning our every move, every decision, and choice—that feeling is what we follow.
The feeling keeps us focused on the energetic vibration we are seeking to harmonize our life with. Focusing on this harmony keeps our vibration in a higher state, which therefore helps keeps our mentality, and physicality in a lighter energetic state, less bogged down by the densities of depression, cynicism, self-judgment, and hopelessness that cloud our intuition. Gratitude also keeps our vibration higher, allowing our sight more clarity than it can muster amid self-berating thoughts and disappointment.
Desire is the heart of our fire. It’s the heart of our passion. It’s the heart of our will. Listening to these heart tendrils of wanting is what keeps us in clarity and alignment with our truth. It’s what lifts the veils, allowing us to be honest with ourselves. It’s boundaries, and discernment that keep this container pure. We may know what we want, but don’t honor it in action. We need courage to both see, and pursue the truth that reveals itself.
Desire must be met with the willingness to feel the pains that need to be felt, and with gratitude for the beauty all around us. The ebb and flow — of letting go of what isn’t, and of what hurts, along with reverence for the beauty of what is. Met with a sensuous pursuit to enjoy this life as a spiritual being, in a physical body on this earth.
And so I ask you, what do you desire? What do you desire more than anything? Journal, free-write, let anything and everything flow, eventually breaking it down into three condensed things. Ask why for each one until it cannot break down any further, notice if they are contradicting, and let them unravel as they will. Maybe you will be left with more questions, and maybe you will be left crystalline clear. The point is, to tap into the current and let it guide you on an endless journey of discovery forward.
With Marigold love,
Abby
Hello, World!
