Please come home.
May we all please come home.
May we please, all come home to the raw uninhibited self that lives within and set it free. May we please set our true selves free — unjaded, unafraid, courageous, and wild.
What are we afraid of? Why don’t we come out of hiding? Why don’t we let go of our contracted muscles and clenched hearts and show the frailties, and sweetness of our animal bodies that are these sacred temporary temples of vulnerable beauty? Why don’t we expose our hearts? Why don’t we strip away our clothes, and war paint, our armor and facade, and leave our deflective humor, sarcasm, self-critique, and cynicism at the door and let ourselves be?
Why don’t we let our truth be seen? Why don’t we embrace it with open arms? Why don’t we embrace ourselves with open arms and allow ourselves to speak, be seen, and loved, and judged, and thought of however one may think of us?
You may say you do, but have you never felt insecure? Have you never doubted yourself? Have you never not followed that knowing inside of you? If you say no — I don’t believe you, because we all have. We all have. I ask why — and I ask myself, as much as you.
Why don’t we name the elephant in the room? Why do we act as though pretending it’s not there will make it go away, even if we know it won't? Why don’t we follow that blaring truth that tells us to run, to leap, to let go, or to speak?
Why don’t we stop berating ourselves for not being enough or needing to do more and be somewhere else far ahead in the imaginary landscape of what could be? Why don’t we free ourselves from obligations that we genuinely don’t want and allow ourselves to be embraced with ease? Why don’t we free ourselves from relationships that hurt us? Why do we long for things that don’t serve us? Why don’t we free ourselves of overwhelm that doesn’t really have to be?
Why does it take so much courage, and strength to allow ourselves to be in our authenticity, and rawness? Why does it take so much courage, and strength to not filter ourselves, or hide? Have you ever wondered why we don’t collectively embody the value of vulnerability, and the courage, not weakness, it takes to expose ourselves in such a way?
What if falling in a heap on the floor was your strength? What if confessing your love was your power? What if your anger was what would set you free? What if you allowed that tenderized magnificent heart to just, be, tender?
When will we all stop hiding?
I don’t think we ever will. It’s part of our human nature to tuck it all away. It's part of our human nature to tuck in the shirt of our rawness and emotionality that is so goddamn grande. In reality — it’s because it’s uncomfortable and often painful and our beings have learned that hiding often feels safe — and sadly often is depending on the circumstances and context. Sometimes the right thing is painful. Sometimes courage is painful. Sometimes growing is painful. Sometimes truth is painful. And sometimes, it's simply that there is a time and a place for everything — which also means there is a time and place when it's not.
In reality, our truth isn’t for everybody. In reality, we will not always be received well. We won’t always be seen, understood, or valued. In reality, sometimes showing ourselves is setting ourselves up to be devoured. In reality, there is a lot of anger and pain in the world that will fight our truth tooth and nail to protect them from their own. In reality, there is a meanness and wounds in the world that very well may lash out and burn us. In reality, if we don’t play the game society has taught us, it will likely try and trample us. In reality, if we were to follow that blaring truth we can’t deny deep within, it could crush us, invoking the most tender pain we have ever felt.
Sometimes the elephant doesn't need to be named, because we all know it's there and are coping. Sometimes we don't need to speak words, because the truth is known and simmering. And sometimes holding those emotions in, helps us keep it together until we have a safe space to be with them. Sometimes we hide out of fear or resistance, and sometimes we aren't hiding, and we aren't denying anything, it's just not in our, or anybody else's best interest to reveal it all. In reality, not everyone is worthy of seeing us, hearing us, or being granted our wisdom. And sometimes it’s not that they aren’t worthy — it’s that they aren’t ready, or it’s not what they need, or it’s not their truth, or it's that they simply don't want it, and that's okay because we all get to pick and choose and decide for ourselves even if that's a hard pill to swallow.
Sometimes we hide because we are wise. Sometimes we hide because it’s better to play smarter and not harder. Sometimes we hide because it’s to our advantage. Sometimes we hide in genuine self-preservation. And sometimes we hide because we are simply afraid.
Sometimes hiding is the easiest choice at the moment even if we know it will sting, or catch us in the long run. Sometimes we are shakily terrified of the quake to follow, or the exposure, or the revelation that we have been holding our breath for far too long. Sometimes we hide in procrastination, and sometimes we hide as we prepare ourselves for what’s to come regardless of whether the choice is fully conscious or not. Sometimes we hide because we aren't sure what the truth is yet.
Fear is slippery, and it will do its best to mask itself into a reasonable excuse to conceal, and it’s up to us to ask ourselves again, and again what is true now.
It's up to us to truly ask if it matters what others think, or if it matters if we fail again, and again, devoted to something that means something, as opposed to accepting success in a world or circumstances that we don’t care about. It's up to us to ask ourselves if we will regret speaking or not speaking, doing or not doing, leaving or staying. It's up to us to ask if the pain that blaring truth we are resisting may bring, is anything more damaging than the infinite steady pain of denying it.
It’s true that we don’t need to say everything we see, think, or believe. We don’t need to convince anybody of our way, our perspective, or our truth. We don’t need everyone to be followers of our ideology, passion, or mission. We don't need everyone to agree with us for our truth to be true. We don’t have to succeed in another's eyes, and they don’t have to see our success through ours. Even if the world rejects us, even if our loved ones reject us, or berate us for us, is that worse than hiding ourselves, rejecting ourselves, or denying ourselves forever? Will that make a life worth living? Will that leave us with regrets to face when our time comes to an end?
Sometimes we hide because what is within is too grand, too much, and too big for anybody else. Sometimes our hiding isn’t about anybody else. Sometimes it’s not about being afraid of being seen or exposed to anybody else, it’s about exposing ourselves to what’s churning within — and maybe that churning is a process of perfection that doesn’t always need us fiddling, and processing, and showcasing. But in reality, it is lonely not letting anybody see. There is a time and place, but it is lonely not letting anybody in. It is lonely not letting anybody really love you — for all of you. So hide if you must hide, have the courage to be seen when it is time to be seen, and pray that we can all tell the difference.
Everybody will not see, understand, or agree with you and your life, and what you think. Even your dearest loves may not see you. But in that frail and powerful animal body that is temporarily housing that sacred spirit of yours — when you accept it, that is home.
When you honor you, when you claim you, and when you follow your heart, your wisdom, your spirit, and your truth — this is when you are set free. It doesn’t mean it won’t be tender. It doesn’t mean there won’t be loss. It doesn’t mean it won’t be hard or trying or hurt. But you will be free. You can stop lying. You can stop impersonating. You can stop holding your breath and be. This is our homecoming.
From here the waves of inspiration to push outside of our shells, and the moments of contracting, and reverting, and integrating will perpetually come. Ebb and flow are inevitable, and we aren’t always where we want to be, and we won’t always be where we want to be, but, the flow will always eventually ebb, and the ebb will always eventually flow. We will be carried, and we will be okay, so mine as well do this in your own embrace knowing how wildly magnificent, worthy, and loveable you are.
Come home to that simmering fire within, and know you are far beyond enough. Come home to yourself and know it doesn’t matter if anybody else understands you. Give yourself a chance, and be kind. Let go. Set yourself free. And may we all come home to our truth, to our authenticity — may we all come home to the entirety of ourselves.
With love,
Abby
